Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
