Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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