I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
