If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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