I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
