we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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