Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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