Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
