Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
