no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
