Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
