they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I looked at my own cervix.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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