its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
