who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
