so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
