i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
