Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i now understand why vodka
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
