yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
