Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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