video games are the ultimate cock blocker
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
