Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
