I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
