Already got asked if we're dating
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
