I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
