so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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