I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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