Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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