Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
