Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
