life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
