i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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