So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
