She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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