non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
