While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
