im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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