All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
