we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He did a backflip because drugs
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