I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
