So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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