You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
