I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So vagazzling was a success
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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