I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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