If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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