i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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