i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
