Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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