So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
