This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
