you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
