I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
