I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He? As in you personified your dick?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm gonna fight the coyote
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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