Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
